France Tales » Humor

J’irai dormir à Hollywood, I saw the movie last Friday

Owen — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 11:38:09 +0000

J’irai dormir à Hollywood is a very good movie about a French man who travels across the US. He is very friendly and always trying to get strangers to let him eat with them and stay in their homes. In a way it is like Borat but instead of trying to make the people look assinine he tries to get on their good side and befriend them. His goal is to eventually make it to Hollywood and sleep in the home of a Hollywood star. Generally people react very well to him but he does have some close calls.

Follow him as he travels from Manhattan, to the Amish country in PA, through the South, New Orleans, then the Southwest, and finally to a heartbreaking encounter with a recently homeless man who sleeps on the beach in Santa Monica. It is funny, sad, and surprising all at once. It is a French film but is mostly in English as he is traveling across the US. One of the highlights of the film was watching him buy an old beat up car, paint it red, and then wear a red shirt to match, and of course when he gets the Navajo to give him a pair of womens nylons so he can fix his timing belt or electrical belt, obviously I know nothing about cars. Here is a clip from the film. See it if you can.

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Montcuq, France

Owen — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 07:08:00 +0000

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Montcuq is a beautiful village in France in the Quercy. Thanks to a recent reader comment regarding funny or bad translations, I found a collection of videos about Montcuq on Youtube. Sorry to the non-French speakers, the video about Montcuq is only in French. I could have the Montcuq video subtitled on dotsub but even translated it wouldn’t be that funny. For now, enjoy Montcuq:

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Funny French Commercial

Owen — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 06:53:52 +0000

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I have not seen it on TV but I have heard about this funny French commercial.

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J’irai dormir à Hollywood, I saw the movie last Friday (1)
Montcuq, France (2)
More funny translations (5)
Is China ready for the Olympics? (7)
Funny French mistakes (30)
Don’t swallow your gum (0)
More observations at the gym (2)
Funny consumer letter (22)

More funny translations

Owen — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 10:33:39 +0000

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This time I found these pictures on a blog called englishturkey.com. I thought the blog was very funny and the pictures priceless. One is a funny translation but the other . ? !

Here is a link to the post from englishturkey.com. It is very funny.
http://www.englishturkey.com/content/welcom-turist-we-spik-inglish

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Is China ready for the Olympics?

Owen — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 02:29:54 +0000

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Human rights violations and environmental concerns aside, is China really ready for the Olympics? Check out these pictures of poorly worded English translations.

svgallery=china

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Funny French mistakes

Owen — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 14:12:11 +0000

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When learning a language you must have a sense of humor and learn to laugh at yourself. Below is a collection of things I have said, and written in class and in assignments, that weren’t quite right. I added a few other things that “others” in class have uttered as well. What are your French mistakes, or any language for that matter?

When writing a piece entitled Souvenirs d’Enfance (childhood memories) I was writing about a cat I had and how I loved cats and how I would probably always have cats because I had such fond memories of my cat when I was young. I gave a plug to my current cat Jozi. I wanted to say that I love my big furry cat but I wrote “Je aime bien ma grose chatte poilu”. I cannot explain the mistake I made in mixed company. We were practicing tenses, when to use the imparfait and when to use the passé composé, and placement of adjectives but I learned a different lesson.

We read an excerpt from a discussion board about how to rent an apt. One very proper Chinese woman in class was having trouble understanding some of the concepts about renting in France. She rented an apartment but did not experience the same things searching for a rental because I think she lives in an apt at a University, not really a dorm though. The university helped them find it.
That reminded me that earlier in the class someone had meant to ask her if she lived at an academic institution but asked instead “Tu habites dans une institution?”, while it doesn’t have the same connotation in French, all the English speakers burst out laughing. She was asked if she lived in an institution, when you try to explain it in French the joke loses it’s punchline.

I had about 4 other examples in my head. Jean-Jacques just called and now I forgot them all. Maybe I’ll continue this as a series. When I remember those mistakes or make more I’ll add to it here.

*** Another one made today, not me though. We were practicing using double pronouns. We had to write a dialog to read to the class. We wrote about renting an apt. After a genial conversation between a locateur and proprietaire the locateur a dit

“Montrez le moi”,
which means show it to me. It was correct but someone in the class got very red and started laughing because she thought I had said

“Montez-moi”,
which you could take to mean mount me, which would have been an unusual way to consummate this new landlord tenant relationship.

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Don’t swallow your gum

Owen — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 06:58:38 +0000

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This might happen.

Now that I think back to when i was a teacher, I wish this happened. Often you would think someone was chewing gum, ask them to spit it out, and they would try to swallow it, and then say, “I’m not chewing gum”. A little humiliation never hurt anyone.

Read these similar posts

J’irai dormir à Hollywood, I saw the movie last Friday (1)
Montcuq, France (2)
Funny French Commercial (1)
More funny translations (5)
Is China ready for the Olympics? (7)
Funny French mistakes (30)
More observations at the gym (2)
Funny consumer letter (22)

More observations at the gym

Owen — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 13:25:49 +0000

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I have been going to the gym chain Euforie. It has 4 locations. I started just going to one to get used that one, Pomme. I have been going to a 2nd one, Oxygene, to branch out. I think no matter where in the world you are there are standard things that come with the gym experience, and I’m not talking about weights, classes, and locker rooms. People.

Tupac has been dead for like 15 years, why are you wearing that RIP Tupac dress around the gym still? Yes, it looks like a dress, so while you may not understand the English words written on it, you must have some understanding that when you wear an enormous flowing shirt that hangs down to your knees and then strap on a big weight lifting belt over the shirt, cinched at the waist, you look like you are wearing a dress or like the fashion of the 80′s where women wore big belts over their shirts, hanging down the side of one hip. I know that is not what you intended by the grunting noises you make but that is what is perceived. You spin me right around baby right around etc etc etc.

Who let the peacocks into the Tecktonik class?

Your New Jersey track suit isn’t cool. I mean the colors are nice, it fits you well, but really, have you been to New Jersey?

I guess you are not really working out if the weight stack doesn’t slam down hard with each repetition. I’ve been doing it wrong all these years. Who knewed.

Remember I told you that “Je comprends française plus ou moins mais avec le bruits de la classe, pas de tout!” I think I said it once at the beginning and once while you insisted on talking me through the routine instead of demonstrating it for me. Nope, talking louder won’t help. Really, all I need you to do is to do the routine, I will get it if I can see you do it. Please don’t try to cue in English, really stop talking and just do it. No I don’t don’t need la classe pour les débutantes.

I’m sure I will have more gym tales. I know I sound a little cranky but gyms attract strange people and I like to people watch. If everyone were so normal I might not be as amused and I might not go because I’d be bored. So I don’t really intend to sound mean, it’s just a release.

They must think similar things of me, for example, why is he wearing shorts to the gym, I mean why isn’t he wearing snow pants or at least rubber pants like the rest of us, the Americans and their shorts.

Read these similar posts

J’irai dormir à Hollywood, I saw the movie last Friday (1)
Montcuq, France (2)
Funny French Commercial (1)
More funny translations (5)
Is China ready for the Olympics? (7)
Funny French mistakes (30)
Don’t swallow your gum (0)
Funny consumer letter (22)

Funny consumer letter

Owen — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 04:25:00 +0000

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This is PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter. I don’t think the woman’s response was so eloquently funny, but the situation sure was. The things corporations do to personalize your experiences with their products, I think you’ve gone a little too far guys. Here is the letter in it’s entirety.

A real letter to Proctor and Gamble

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from ‘the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body.

Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’

Are you fu**ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness – actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?

FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t.

And that’s a promise I will keep. Always!

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

Read these similar posts

J’irai dormir à Hollywood, I saw the movie last Friday (1)
Montcuq, France (2)
Funny French Commercial (1)
More funny translations (5)
Is China ready for the Olympics? (7)
Funny French mistakes (30)
Don’t swallow your gum (0)
More observations at the gym (2)