Didn’t she know? I mean I didn’t believe it when I was first told about it but I’m starting to believe now. The signs were right there. How could she not know? She’s too young. If you scrunch up your face like that, and hold it for hours on end in the same position, as if someone stole your baguette last year and you’re still upset, your face is going to freeze in that position. Yes, it even happens to French civil servants. Get a new baguette, it’s time.
I had my VISA appointment in DC yesterday. I was very apprehensive. My case was a slightly special case, the documents needed were not so cut and dry, I was going by myself and only speaking in English, I was asking for a student VISA but I was not part of an exchange program, the list goes on and on. I had lots of documentation but was feeling unsure of myself.
I got up at 6AM and left my home in Philadelphia at 7AM. My appointment was at 12:10 but I had to go to Campus France before the VISA department. Campus France is right next door but I had no idea how long it would take so in order to avoid as much traffic as possible and give myself plenty of time, I left early, DC is only 3 hours away.
Campus France is an organization the French government set up to make it “easier” for people outside of France to come to France to study at the University level. Of course, if you only read the general requirements for VISA’s and the Student VISA requirements, you wouldn’t know registering with them is a requirement for your VISA, I didn’t know this until last week. The French officials didn’t think it was necessary to put this requirement on the list. I guess it justifies their sneers when in mid-VISA appointment you have to leave their office to go to Campus France and then come back with the proper documentation. We’ll call it the “stolen baguette sneer” or sbs for short.
Just before I left I reviewed my papers, downloaded a few backup papers, and checked my profile on the Consulate website. You can view your appointments, past, present, and cancelled. I was having trouble connecting but then it looked like I was connected. I authenticated and there were no appointments in my profile. I didn’t worry because I also didn’t see the 2 appointments that I had previously had that I canceled and also because some of the functions were obviously not working. I thought something was amiss on their end as I packed my laptop and headed for the car.
Traffic was great, there was very little. The ride was very uneventful. I was arriving to DC quite a bit early. I was exiting the 495 at Wisconsin Avenue and I had an idea. Charlotte and Charles live just off Wisconsin Ave in Chevy Chase or Bethesda. I thought I’d call them and see if they were around. I know their house was rebuilt and that they were able to live there again, but I wasn’t sure they were there. I thought a nice 20 minute stop to catch up would be great and I could also get news about Juliet and updated contact info. I pulled over into a gas station because I wasn’t sure what Maryland’s cell phone laws were. No answer, my little daydream was not to be. I pressed onward.
Traffic in DC, however, was a nightmare. It took me almost 45 minutes to get from the off ramp to M and Wisconsin, I think it is only about 6 miles or so. I was still early but I was showing signs of sbs, remember “stolen baguette sneer”, no better yet, “Stolen Baguette Syndrome”. I stopped for a coffee in Georgetown and gather myself before heading up to the Embassy, it was only ½ mile away.
So I park on Reservoir Road a block down from the Embassy, in front of what I think was actually Jack and Eloise’s house – that’s another story – possibly involving SBS and a crazy mother. I’m walking toward the gate, it’s a fortress by the way, and my heart is racing. I step through the pedestrian gate and approach the pentagonal security booth. The guard asked for my ID and purpose of visit, I gave him my ID and said I had a VISA appointment but I had to visit the offices of Campus France beforehand. He checked his printout for my name. Now he didn’t hold the clipboard up officially so I could see the names and on the last page were the last few appointments, they only do appointments until 12:30, and I could see it was full and my name was NOT on the list. I have a bad habit over listening to conversations that are not my own and sneaking a glance at papers that are not my own. My name was not there. Who put this bowling ball in my throat, get it out quick.
He said that he wasn’t finding my name and he couldn’t let me in. I was stunned into silence. Bon courage is right, forget bon chance. Steeling myself and my nerves, I asked him to check again because I was sure I had an appointment, was there someone he could call, etc. No appointment, no luck. I told him that I had definitely made an appointment and perhaps, peut etre, I had written down the wrong day. Could he call the VISA office to see if my appointment was just on another day or if I had missed it? If I had to come back I at least wanted to know when appointment was, because I definitely scheduled one. He gave me a number to call as a line formed behind me and sweat beads went from a trickle to a river running down my back. How could I have no appointment? My faith in technology was eroding. I know I submitted the request online for an appointment.
I called the number, she answered in French, I spoke in English. So too did she eventually. I’m sorry sir you have no appointment, there is nothing I can do. She hung up on me. I called back and she said Please Sir we are very busy and again hung up. I was paralyzed by fear. Our plane leaves on Friday, our container was packed and shipped, I had no idea what to do. A woman who was waiting in line, who was apparently not afraid of the sweaty American, came over and told me to go across the street to the Georgetown University library and go online and try to log in to my account and sort it out etc. Maybe I could make an appointment for today or tomorrow. I headed across the street.
On my way up the steps, I thought, most Universities have wireless networks, I have my laptop, why don’t I just sit outside and try it. Wireless signal found, connection made. I checked my email for the confirmation email about my appointment, I couldn’t find it. I did just receive an email from Campus France telling me that my online profile for them was complete, technology was regaining some credibility. Nice of them to let me know so far in advance, I emailed them a week ago, no time for indignation – or SBS on my part, I was in a situation.
I logged in to my Consular account and no luck again. No cancelled appointments either. This was strange because I did have the confirmation emails about the cancelled appointments so they should have at least shown up as cancelled, but they didn’t. Maybe I could leverage this into showing there was a problem with their system and since I was here could I have an appointment. It sounded reasonable but I knew it wouldn’t work.
I called Jean-Jacques to tell him everything that had happened. I asked him if he could call the number I was given and speak to them in French, not really thinking it would change anything. He also suggested we call a man named Mr. Billet whom we had emailed and spoken to before about VISA matters. I didn’t have the number but he said he’d find it. He told me he’d call right back. I expected it to be at least 10-15 minutes. In probably about 3 minutes Jean-Jacques called back, had spoken to Mr. Billet, and convinced him to add me to his appointments. He would call the guard at the gate and put my name on the list. I was relieved, if only my sweat glands could be relieved in the same manner.
I hate to think like this but I have a hunch that because I was speaking in English they were not willing to be helpful and were in fact rude to me. There was clearly a problem but they were not willing to work with me. The daily indignities of being an American. Maybe it is because Jean-Jacques is more charming than I am.
I approached the gate and the guard, who had been the nicest of the bunch, who was expecting me, apologized to me, which made me uncomfortable because he had done nothing wrong, and let me in. My anxiety level dropped a few notches. I walked up the hill toward Building B, everything in DC is named like that Building G in the campus of the National Institutes of Health. It’s like alphabet soup, don’t they get confused?
I saw Building B and entered. As I walked through another “guard” was there and saw my VISA lanyard attached to my shirt. He said VISA’s are next door and tried to whisk me out of the building. I said I had to meet with Campus France first then I could go to my VISA appointment. He said no that I had to get my VISA first and then go to Campus France. Mais Monsieur, j’ai un courriel, and I showed him my email that Campus France said I had to go there first. I was afraid to have contradicted him and what his reaction was going to be but I had just gotten in to the hyper (PRONOUNCED EE PEAR) secret French Embassy, I wasn’t going to let a guard deter my VISA plans. He let me stay while he called Campus France.
Not long after, a very nice woman appeared and sat with me in the waiting area. She asked me my name and my confirmation number. I said I never received a confirmation number. Here we go again, but no she asked for my name kindly and said she’d look it up. Minutes later she returned to report she could not find my profile. Again I was ready. I had just checked my email and saw the email from her colleague saying that my profile was in fact complete. I showed it to her and she looked surprised but she knew I was telling the truth. She showed NO signs of SBS so I didn’t fear showing her the email. She contacted the colleague who assured her my profile was complete. They couldn’t find my confirmation number either so she asked how I paid. I said I had my money order now to pay. Of course, that’s why there was no confirmation number, because I hadn’t paid yet. She took my money order and printed a receipt for me. She said when I have my VISA appointment and they ask for my Campus France number to give them this paper, it verified I was signed up and my profile was complete but since I just paid, the account wasn’t fully set up and the VISA office probably wouldn’t be able to search for it because it would be an hour before it got entered. Appointment finished. Armed with my “paper” I advanced toward the VISA room in, of course, Building B as well.
I walked in the VISA section and there were 2 people ahead of me, no one looked to be frazzled, and everything was calm. I thought, I can do this. Of course I was “overhearing” conversations again. Where do I get this from? The man at the counter was Chinese, lived in Philadelphia, was leaving Friday, and did not have all his documents. He was going to have to come back and he left on the same day as us. The man at the counter was so nice and kind to them. I was instantly put at ease. Then he disappeared with the documents into what I guess is the secret VISA room, the command center. The Chinese man and his family took a seat in the waiting area. Then she appeared.
She called the next person in line up to the counter. She fought back smiles and any outward signs of softness. This was a fonctionnaire, and a proud one at that. Were we outside, there would have been grey clouds scurrying after her. Her face was unmistakable. It was classic stolen baguette syndrome. It was 12:15, almost lunchtime, so she really must have been angry about the missing baguette. I ran my hands through my pockets and bags just in case I left a baguette somewhere so I can donate it to her cause. Of course I was “overhearing” her conversation and it seemed to be going fine. Never judge a book by its cover, she was begging to be judged though. She was not as kind as the other man but seemed not to be too difficult with the woman ahead of me so I wasn’t worried yet. Next, she said. My turn.
Bon Jour, hello, mistake #1. Should I have answered bon jour first and then spoken in English? Judging by her facial expressions I should have killed myself then and there to allow her to search out a baguette.
Your 2 applications and your pictures. I placed the 2 applications on the counter. Where are your pictures sir? They are attached to my applications. Sternly she replied, you are not supposed to do that! I said I’m sorry but here it says to glue the pictures to the bottom right corner of the application. I thought to myself, they even put a box made of dotted lines to show the exact position where they go. She inhaled deeply and as she exhaled she raised her left hand to her forehead. Left thumb rested on her temple, the other fingers cascaded down her forehead toward her right eye. I’ve heard of going postal, can one go VISAal? Her silence seemed an eternity, but she looked up, shook her head, and I knew she would suffer from acute SBS for the rest of our appointment.
There was a long list of required documents that I had in my folder. One was the English translation of the VISA application. I asked her if she needed that now. She looked at me imperiously and grunted, I know how to read the document in French thank you. Did she really think I was offering it to her to help her. Is this not a required document? She inhaled deeply and as she exhaled she raised her left hand to her forehead. Left thumb rested on her temple, the other fingers cascaded down her forehead toward her right eye. I hae to name this maneuver because she would use it over and over for the rest of the appointment. Including the desperate head shake. I will call it the Scanners maneuver. Do you remember the movie Scanners directed by David Cronenberg? In it a professor is giving a lecture and during the lecture he grabs his head as if in intense pain and then his head explodes. Very 80’s. That is what her movements reminded me of.
Your financial guarantee please. I placed on the counter my last 3 months of bank statements. Sir I need a letter from your parents stating you will receive an allowance of $600 per month. I said I had an email, and showed it to her, that said since I am an adult I did not need that. I had to show I would have an income while in France independently of work. My bank account shows 3 transactions per month where our tenants make deposits for their rent and our promissory note gets paid as well. It totals over $2000 a month. The Scanners maneuver coupled with a slight groan.
Sir, this is a bank statement printed by a computer printer. I cannot accept this. Well I said it is an internet only account and my statements are emailed to me to save paper and postage. This is the only way to show you a statement that shows the income in the form of deposits. I waited for SBS or Scanners and instead she said this will have to do.
Confirmation from Campus France that your application is complete. I handed it over to her. Sir what is your account number at Campus France. I explained they said just to give her this paper because I had just paid and I wouldn’t be in the system yet by number. Wow, Scanners and SBS. What’s next the figure four leg lock?
The trouble is after she looked up again she said nothing and acted like this was causing her excruciating pain. I asked would she like me to go back to Campus France and try to get a number. She said no that she would prefer that people applying for VISA’s simply had all their documentation together.
I could tell the entire rest of the appointment was going to go like this. If I allowed myself to be baited into an argument over whose fault or why I didn’t have the documents she would gladly engage and feel justified in treating me this way. I was not going to engage her BUT I was going to show her the steady stream of emails I received from her office that contradicted each other and made it impossible to gather.
In this email your office states that I can go to Campus France before coming to the appointment to get set up. I did that. They sent me here with this confirmation letter. Your email says to bring this confirmation letter to the appointment. I did that. What should I have done differently?
I cannot access your Campus France account so we cannot continue. I asked if she could look it up by name. SBS again. She tried by name. She said you are not in the system. I said I know I am in the system because I can log in myself, I just did it this morning. She tried again and said she couldn’t. A thought emerged in my head, a terrifyingly scary thought, I had no idea how to bring it up, she would probably reach across the counter and strike me if I say it in the wrong way. Think hard. How to say this without ruffling her feathers.
My last name is spelled P-E-E-R-Y, it’s unusual so often it gets misspelled. Thank god there was a big glass window between she and I because those daggers she shot with her eyes would have certainly impaled me.
Sir, I can also read perfectly in English too, she retorted. Arms crossed, this was a new look, one she should reconsider, but one she sported nonetheless. It was unfortunate.
I am not insulting you. For 36 years of my life my name has been misspelled. 95% of the time when a file cannot be found or an account cannot be accessed it is because someone misspelled my name. Maybe it was Campus France entering the data, maybe it was you, maybe it was someone somewhere in the system. What I am proposing is that you try PERRY and PEERY and see what comes up. She typed in PERRY, although she was unaware I saw what she typed. She indignantly said, see it still doesn’t come up. I said as kindly as I could, could you try PEERY now. Scanners, SBS, and the daggers again. BUT she tried it and it worked.
Was that slight embarrassment? Was she cracking? I don’t know why but it worked now she said. I see your account and it is in fact complete. I don’t know why it works now, she said. I thought it works because you finally spelled my name correctly, vous êtes un imbecile. No small victory would embolden me to make flippant remarks to satisfy some need for retaliation. I simply wanted my VISA. I was close and I was determined. I smiled through pursed lips.
Your PACS papers please. I didn’t realize PACS papers were required for a Student VISA. She said we are issuing you a special VISA since you cannot go as the spouse of a French national. I said I was not aware that I was being issued a special VISA. I said I was simply applying for a student VISA and I didn’t bring my PACS papers. It said in the email we sent. I said but after that I concluded with the help of your office that going as a student would be easier than going on a long stay non work VISA. This is where it got tricky. I wasn’t sure if they were unable to say they were issuing me a VISA this way because they thought it was unfair the VISA law regarding gay couples and the PACS but they were going to do it anyway or whether she wanted me to feel like she was going out of her way to do something special for me or she derived some pleasure out of making me squirm or she was plainly homophobic. Or they didn’t believe I was going to be a student. I still don’t know but this was the most intense part.
Your letter from the school in France where you will attend and a letter from the American University where you are doing the exchange program. I am not doing this through an exchange program, I am undertaking it on my own. Sir, that is not possible. According to Campus France it is possible, I just have to pay $120 to Campus France not just $60, isn’t it in my account profile? SBS rears its ugly head. I see it is right here.
When do your classes start? I said they begin in January, it is in the letter from the school. I cannot issue you a VISA today for classes that don’t start until January. I said I would start my classes sooner but we are staying with a friend and wanted enough time to find an apartment. If we got settled sooner I cold start my classes sooner but I wanted to give myself enough time to get set up. The Scanners.
When is the last date of your studies? I don’t know exactly. She incredulously looked at me like I was now caught in a lie. How can you not know when your last date of classes is. I explained that I was taking classes at the Alliance Française in Toulouse. I registered for Jan, Feb, and March of 2008. I couldn’t register for more because they hadn’t even organized classes that far into the future. I would register as soon as I could but it was not available for registration yet.
I need a date to put down as the last date of classes. I said I didn’t know what to say but I was hoping to apply for a 1 year student VISA. Next year I was going to apply to graduate school in France so I figured I’d have to renew my student VISA so I suggested she use July 31st as the last day of validity. She dropped everything on the counter, stared directly into my eyes for about 2 minutes, said nothing. It appeared that she was saying I hope I am not here when you apply next year, to which I would have said send me a schedule and I will make sure to work around it.
Shaking her head broke the silence symbolically. She said we’re all set then. I asked if she needed any of the other papers listed as requirements on the website that I had gathered. With a wave of her hand I understood she needed no such thing. She marched into the command room.
At this point I came to realize that maybe these were nervous ticks. Scanners, SBS, the daggers. It seemed that for each and every requirement she displayed one, two, or all three of these tricks. Each time insinuating that I was grossly under prepared for what I was asking BUT then again each requirement got checked off the list. She probably has high blood pressure now. Literally every requirement necessitated a nasty comment from her, a groan, SBS-daggers-Scanners, etc. In the end each piece of documentation turned out to be enough and in the end I got my VISA.
Many people thought I was over reacting to my VISA appointment. I too believed them but felt it was better to be unsure than over confident. In the end it was worse than I imagined, but I got my VISA. I guess it was a good preparation for how it will be with bureaucracy in France. As my French skills increase I will be able to conduct such appointments entirely in French, I hope that makes them less unpleasant experiences.
I was so frazzled by the time I left the office with my VISA I was ready to tear it up and move back to California instead.
Popularity: 25% [?]
rotf lmao
Clarify again, just why do you want to move to France.
I feel your pain.
When you get over here, you will release that you have to deal with fonctionnaires and you will understand why I am Lost in France.
The Alliance Française is on the Place du Capitole, visible in many of the photos on my blog.
Good luck!
Oops, in the second paragraph of my comment I meant “realize” but maybe that is a release, too.
It is interesting to read about the PACs. When will gays have equal rights in France?
Liberte, Egalite (for some), and Fraternite.
The PACS is better than domestic partnership but not quite enough.
Bravo, Owen!!
And by the way, you other anonymous dude, we go through all this crap because once we’re here and don’t have to deal with fonctionnaires any more, life is pretty good. Even the French complain about their own fonctionnaires (although like the weather, no one does anything about it).
Life is pretty good right now, even though coming up I have my carte de sejour appointment. I dread going to the post office in the states, the people are surely surly. I can think of any number of “fontionnairre” like experiences in the states that are very unpleasant.
I was finishing a cheesy murder mystery last night called Echo Park by Michael Connelly. At the end the main character says something like pain is suffering leaving the body. Not very insightful or poetic but I thought about it in relation to my VISA appointment.
I’m glad I could vent about it here because Jean-Jacques is sick of hearing about it.
[...] the horrible experience I had getting my student VISA in DC, read about it here, I was dreading applying for my carte de sejour. A carte de sejour is a residency permit in France. [...]
[...] Guess what, it worked the first time. No problem. We got in to the theater. I can’t figure out why the cashier created 10 minutes of intense stress for himself. I could see if he tried it once or twice and it didn’t work and he didn’t want to keep trying it over and over. That wasn’t the case, it worked immediately. He had refused to even try it because once it didn’t work when he had tried it. I say stress for him because I knew we were going to get in because we had used the card before. I knew Jean-Jacques would not drop the issue until we got in. I say stress for him because others were in line and looking angrily at him not us. He was all of 20 years old, I thought, he has a promising career ahead of him at the VISA department in the Embassy in Washington DC. (see here to understand) [...]
[...] My VISA appointment [...]
What a process… That is a great story though. Hilarious too, as indeed I have also been a victim of SBS, though it wasn’t quite as severe as the people in your story had it.
Anyway, I see that this is from a while ago; I’m glad that everything worked out in the end. Hopefully things are still going well, and that your renewal will be much easier.
Well things are going well and I found out a while ago that I don’t have to renew the VISA, just my carte de sejour. It is certainly not what I expected but I have to say the fonctionnaires here in France have been easier to deal with than the ones in DC. Don’t know why. Now that I know how it works the renewal should be much easier.
Wow, what a trip. You’re very lucky. I’ve been denied two visas now. I’ve got a third one to do at the same place. I tried a student visa, but apparently they think I smell funny or something (I had been accepted to a college in Nancy). My parter and are are going to try a visitor visa instead this time.
Congrats to you! It must feel great.
Well since it was almost 1.5 years ago thanks but I even managed to get a renewal of my carte de sejour since then. Once you get the hang of it you know what to do and say and what not to do and say. Bon courage!
[...] VISA received, day of pain over! (14) [...]
[...] VISA received, day of pain over! (14) [...]
[...] VISA received, day of pain over! (14) [...]
[...] VISA received, day of pain over! (14) [...]
What a nightmare, and I thought the Japanese visa process was bad!
Very entertaining to read though.
Now that I am an expert at the process and very skilled, I’m not sure I would have changed what I had done. With enough distance everything CAN be funny. I can laugh now, but I wasn’t laughing then.
it is entertaining now but then not so much.